COME SEE ABOUT ME!

I simply have to write about this:

Two women- me and my mother. We were sitting at A Plaza lobby (one of those fine 4* restaurants where a tea costs around 40 bucks) waiting for the boy’s family to present itself. My mother trying to distract me from my irritation by old funny tales. I couldn’t help smiling at some of them. When she thought I wasn’t listening, she’d nudge me in my knee with her finger, which would almost drive me over the edge. Mothers NEVER take the hint! I looked at the watch- her watch as I didn’t get to wear my boring black watch today. Both my arms had something gold on them. Intention – to impress. It’s sad that a display of gold (diamonds would be appreciated too!) and a demure smile, a passionate glow on your face when you talk about cooking, a hint of religiousness and docility, and of course all the rest that the guy is looking for: a perfectly woven complicated web of intelligence, humor, mirror cracking looks, interest in career but at the same time the magnanimity to come back home and take up the burden of housework and attending to your sons homework(brat that he is , doesn’t do a thing without prodding… probably takes after his dad!;-)) and entertaining his parents … all that is ENOUGH to impress the scrutinizing parents. Ok I got a little carried away here. Maybe all they want for their son is someone who ll be there for him and someone he can love and be loved in return. I don’t know their reasons. The process needs a lot more refinement though.

Anyway the parents made their exalted entry and we sat down to tea. Silence. A song playing in my head. Do they also have songs playing in their heads when they aren’t talking? You can hear the nervous shaking of my legs. They can’t see it or else they might try to analyse that and conclude that I have behavioral problems. Oops maybe exaggeration again, but Im frustrated and I will write whatever I please! The mom in law to be (God forbid!) asks me what im doing and where I studied. I reply sweetly but smartly. Didn’t they read my BIODATA?? Dad in law asks me questions too. The same questions! I reply smartly but sweetly, the same answers. “Ah yes, it was there in your BIODATA”. So they read it. At least they had done that part of the homework. Why didn’t they stretch a little into the night and come up with more innovative questions to ask tomorrow. Not that my side was any better. My lips seemed to be stuck. My mother was smiling during the gaps when she wasn’t politely jabbering! A thousand and one and more thoughts ran through my “pretty looking for the occasion” head. Supplemented by gulps and smirks and this insane tendency to make faces and indulge in irrelevance!........
“So where would you like to settle?”
“I love bread and marmalade.” (Smiling very very sweetly)
“uhm…” (looks at each other) … “no no .. the place , where you would like to be. Do you like India or the Gelf or US?”
A sudden ferver in my eyes!
“Bush is evil! Let us all unite in our dedication to the causes that Osama believes in. Jihad is only way out. Raise your hands and take an oath now!”
Parents raise their hands like zombies...
All still there in my head. Can they see the amusement on my face?
My mom will not let me show it. Im being cruel I know!

“They” is just a generalization. The bad part of the general parents
They look me up and down. Checks height. Checks complexion. Eyes fall on my gold. Approves or disapproves.
They ask if I pray five times a day.
They ask what all I know how to cook.
They ask hypothetical questions like “Suppose my son asks you not to work then what will you do”. Then sniggers. Loses a bit of it when I tell them that Il make sure I wont marry anyone who asks unnecessary questions like that. (Lets play a game. Spot my middle finger!)
They are boring.

After 20 minutes of uncomfortable chit chat about my college and his college and our family and their family and the people that connect the families, they finally nodded at me and stood up. They will let my mother know in some day’s time and of course I have to see the boy. They can’t decide anything until then! My mother nods. And so do I. Such liberal parents they are!

Enter the next jing bang! Father, mother, fathers sister, nephew, fathers sisters husband, brother.. all except the boy. Not again. I don’t want to see old ppl anymore!
We sit in the same place, drink new tea. Little do they know that we’ve already finished one round! The waiters are bursting inside im sure. They smirk and ask if we want something else. Gives my mother a sly look that seems to say “Will there be something more or will you have it when the next set comes in, Madam?”
My Mom cringes a bit, but she herself is amused by the whole episode!
These people are sweeter though, I relax a bit, start talking to the brother. He wants to tell me all about his brother. After a round of snacks and better conversation, they say goodbye. I give a huge sigh of relief. Im sure all of us sighed sighs of relief... Enough to start a sigh storm!

I go to my cousin’s place. Life is normal again, but I cant help but wonder what they see in me besides my kajol-ed eyes and the fact that I know English and Malayalam. Can they see the person behind this jazzy churidar and the made up face? Even him. If I see him, will he ever know before its too late, what makes me tick and what makes me melt?
I know for sure there are people behind those faces, not just a person with the good family and background and job. But a person who has funny little habits and gets worked up about things that seem silly to you and a person who likes meen curry or who don’t like meen curry and who mite or mite not put up or down the toilet seat (someone I know said I have an obsession with toilets! I think I do!!!!). I know they are there, but I will not find out which of those exactly before its too late.

And now Y do I go through all this? I don’t know! Some people just do stupid things! And maybe it just seems very stupid now! Maybe Im short sighted and can’t see the larger picture. Simply because the picture is not attractive or too colorful or does not fit in with my notions about how it should be. It might take a while to appreciate the deeper shades. For one thing, I hate to say no to my mother when she tries so hard. Might as well humor her, but can’t help wondering when Im going to get entangled in the process of pleasing my parents. Not until I really see the person behind the face and I like what I see!

No ones arguing with the concept or the reasons or the advantages. But I definitely have hassles about the whole process. Like I said, it needs to be refined. The feel good factor is so low. For both the girl and the guy. Get all those arranged marriage jargon out of the way –AGENT, BROKER, BIODATA, WELL BRED....
I don’t want to go on and on… Im sure I sound like many others, but that’s the point. There are so many who feel like me, but the process still remains the same! Inspite of all the discontent. Well if u don’t wanna go through all this then just find a guy of your own who shud be ...[ long list]...within so n so time, they say. Yeah like I can just pick one on my way home!

Hmmm....enough... that’s the last time Im gonna blog about marriage. Im gonna put that word under the carpet for some time. No more! No more!

But someone told me that when I write, I should write about things that I know of. Someone’s always telling me things!