MOVE ON! –The two words that have been hammering in my head for the past few months - Move On Move On... like an endless chant being uttered by all whom I know including my own confused mind. Monday morning I’m in office with a cup of tea trying to wash down my lethargy and drowsiness pepedapadaing! pepedapadaing! goes the irritating ring tone that I have kept for my phone. Ok I confess I never even bothered to keep a ringtone for my phone. It’s still the default one but I will not try to explain these insignificant details to those who are wrinkling their noses right now. Coming back to the call, It was my old “best friend” whom I had known since I don’t even remember when, calling to announce that shed just gotten engaged and her marriage is fixed for a date 6 months away. I was stunned. She had done what the tea couldn’t have done, made me sit upright on my purple seat. What???? “No u can’t get married!! Not so fast… were all still kids, don’t u realize, we just look grown up!!" is what I wanted to scream but I exclaimed and made the proper noises and congratulated her and asked about her fiancé. I didn’t want to know… not yet, in fact I slightly resented the guy, not that we’ve been such great friends, the kind who write long letters and call up every half day to talk about their latest sorrow, but I still lived in a dimension where the past was very much alive and cherished and she was a part of that. Now she was gonna step into something bigger and less frivolous, leaving me where I was. She was moving on… and that’s what bewildered me, she was ready and so are many whom I know.

Its been a day since my roomie of 6 yrs left the country. Now there’s no looking back for her.. and us. The house is gonna be a mess without her typically virgo-ian (is that what its called?) efforts and our lives more empty without her jokes n her care. We saw her off at the airport yesterday and the only reason we didn’t make a scene there was cos the manager in charge of checking in the luggage was already make quite a big one and charging enormous rates for the excess baggage she was carrying. We definitely didn’t see the point in what he was saying cos “Wat will a girl do without her clothes n shoes and teddies!” “What do these men know!” But we had to bow down slightly to the rules which meant coming back with a carton of her stuff. She walked away with her 8 kilos of baggage n before we knew it she was too far away for us to see. Coming back in the auto we all had long faces that stretched to the dirty auto floor. Here and there a teardrop fell and I thought Im going to feel this heavy for a long time to come. But it took us just a few minutes before we were all laughing at some seemingly hilarious joke. Something written on the CCD cup that I was holding. Something that went like “Beware! The contents of this cup can be really hot!”

Funny? Who knows? We needed that laugh though and that’s when it struck me that of course life’s going to go on. No matter what happens. It has to. A law of nature. Change is as essential as the rising sun and we got to scurry along with its pace especially the people left behind. She has taken the step in her direction and soon we have to take ours. It might seem scary. What if the next step we take is going to be into thin air and lead us over the cliff! Just a matter of faith that there is some solid ground beneath us and a matter of spirit that we get up and walk in case we do fall.

24 came like a bang in my head. I never did think Id end up being 24 and now I’m already 2 months past. I never did think a lot of things about my life. That I would have friends who just disappeared one day, married and happy too! Friends who would stop talking to you and friends who lied. I never thought Id love my parents so much after all the hate in between. And I never ever thought of myself as a person who would go through a breakup. I thought I would be great at a relationship, full of honey and sweet understanding looks. I didn’t think that at 24 my file would have only a degree certificate and im still only qualified as the girl next door. Suddenly I feel like I’m running out of time. Too many things to establish and I have hardly started. Feel like too many laps for me to cover. Where did the years go? I dread to think of being 35 and thinking the same thing. I want to dread it. Maybe the fear will push me on. Bring back some competition into my blood and sweep the Bangalore laid back attitude back under the rug. Y blame Bangalore? Its just a place. Don’t do that!!!

Yes I feel the hurry and now when I look back on it (well its only been a week and Im already looking back.. see what I mean!), Im already dreaming about what could be in store for me and quite thrilled for my friends, the ones who seem to have found happiness and the ones who seem to be doing something about it in their search for it. Go girls! I’m coming too!